jumpnsmash's Blog

i am at home , so that probbly means that i am done at this page , i am done .
this was dumb anyway.
but i will continue to read experiences , but not everyday .

whats my fproblem , why i cant stop , why i think that this is love , idk whats love , i am young , had few crushes- in boys- but i never feal it like i feal it now . i just need a few slaps , maby that will wake me up.
she hates me and there is nothing i can doo , i have to stop with my toths obouth stuff that r x_x me . she is just fine , she will have just nice life , but if shee ever neaded help , i will be there for her , i will jump in - somehow.

why is sooooooooooo hard to forget your life and start a new one ?
why is the sky blue , why is the day white?

how someone can love someone and still can push himself away from that person that he love ?
its midnight , and i cant sleep .

i dont understand some people . they say that they love someone and
in the same time they wish that they dont .
i am asking - is that love?
coz if its love you would never wish something like that .
only exception is if that is hurting person that u love - but i will just hide that love , not stop with that.
why am i typing this - i dont know.

i cant stop thinking obout facebook - a am in a serious temptation.
i watch that thing that says to me that we have 12 friends in common.
i wanna go and look at her profile - but i wont .
i wanna ad her - but i know that i will not .
why will i do something like that when i was so dum and stop our friendship , why i didn wait a few days ?

so , i am on "vakation" - my parents made me go - i like to dive just with mask  , that somehow relax me .
i like when i dive deep and then ,when im still in water i look up , and i can see the sun . 

i never write a blog or a diarry in my life , but i will relise my soul now.
lets start with the history :
i saw her in a school bus
we start a conversation , somehow
we became close friends
i couldnot take the fact that there couldnt happen anything with me n her coz shes not a biggggggg fan of a dykes - i wasnt too -
i didnt wanna hurt her by tellin her obout my feealings
coz i know that she dont llike it
it was more than a year when i cut all contacts
coz i was afraid that i will kiss her in public - i want it so bad , but
she would be hurted , so i had to find some control , but i couldnt find it anymore , so i just leave .
i was tellin that we cant be friends anymore with her or any of our common friends , i just quit every contact - allmoust.
now im hideing - no school - in my house on pc and feealin a bit of numb
coz i dont cry in last time , but i feal empty , coz i dont know whats happening with her. is she allright , or is she extremlly happy?

she means a lot to me , and is hard when u dont know some facts.

i will become a lonly soul , a wolf in a wildness , just covering my ass .

i cant survive widauth some music , or a games - but in this last 20 days i dont have that .
so i write this on net